Big Ten Football 2009: Cupcakes Galore

With the confirmation Wednesday that Illinois will close its season with a game at Cincinnati, all the Big Ten football schedules are set for 2009.

First off, while Illini fans sound irritated that their team will play Fresno State at home and Cincinnati on the road — both capable squads – after the Big Ten season is over, at least they’re real opponents.

Good for the Illini. It may mean another 5-7 season or, worse, a trip to the Motor City Bowl at 6-6. But it at least shows some willingness to play competition.

Either that, or Illinois Athletic Director Ron Guenther failed miserably at finding a patsy to squeeze into his schedule. I hope it’s that deal about wanting to play someone.

If only every Big Ten AD and coach had the same attitude. Hey, the Big Ten isn’t winning BCS titles anyhow and flops miserably every time it sends Ohio State to slaughter in the championship game. So why not make the regular-season more meaningful with actual ballgames?

Only 14 of the 44 nonconference games in ’09 are against BCS conference teams or Notre Dame. That’s ridiculous.

Are you the Big Ten or just the Ten? Actually, you’re the Eleven, but that horse has been beaten to death.

Only three league teams — Illinois, Iowa and Minnesota — are playing two BCS conference teams among their four non-league games. Wisconsin isn’t playing any.

Before noting the cupcakes, let’s give some kudos to the proud and the few who are at least playing interesting games.

Ohio State gets the return date on its home-and-home series with USC.

Purdue heads to Oregon after hosting the Ducks last fall.

Indiana filled out its schedule by taking a game at Virginia, thus becoming the only Big Ten team to play two of its nonconference games on the road.

Cal is playing at Minnesota and Arizona is at Iowa, so those are 2008 bowl teams from the Pac-10 coming into Big Ten lairs.

But by and large, Big Ten non-league slates are another big pile of bleccccch.

Nine games are against FCS (I-AA) opposition. Purdue and Ohio State are the only Big Ten teams not devouring FCS prey. A few are among the cream of the FCS crop, like Northern Iowa and Wofford. But …

Delaware State (5-6 last year) at Michigan?

Towson (3-9) at Northwestern?

Eastern Illinois (5-7) at Penn State?

Penn State is playing all four of its nonconference games at home, against Akron, Syracuse, Temple and mighty Eastern Illinois. That’s absurd. Are you a football power or not? If you are, act like one and schedule somebody.

Playing two Mid-American Conference teams, an FCS squad and Syracuse, the Least of the Big East, is great for wins. It won’t work too well in those BCS computers, though.

Ranking the non-league schedules by toughness is difficult, because most are lousy. But here goes:

1. Illinois: Vs. Missouri in St. Louis, Illinois State, Fresno State, at Cincinnati (The series with Mizzou is a good one, and Cincinnati is fresh off an Orange Bowl appearance.)

2. Minnesota: at Syracuse, Air Force, California, South Dakota State (Air Force and Cal went to bowls, Syracuse is on the road, and S.D. State is one of the better FCS teams a Big Ten team is playing.)

3.  Purdue: Toledo, at Oregon, Northern Illinois, Notre Dame. (Toledo was lousy in ’08, but the other three went to bowls and Oregon won 10 games.)

4. Wisconsin: Northern Illinois, Fresno State, Wofford, at Hawaii (The three FBS teams went to bowls, and Wofford won nine games and played South Carolina to a 10-point game.)

5. Ohio State: Navy, USC, vs. Toledo in Cleveland, New Mexico State (The USC game goes a long way here, obviously.)

6. Michigan State: Montana State, Central Michigan, at Notre Dame, Western Michigan. (Doesn’t look like much, but the three FBS teams went to bowls, the two MAC teams are in-state clubs that will be motivated, going to South Bend is no picnic, and Montana State was 7-5)

7. Iowa: Northern Iowa, at Iowa State, Arizona, Arkansas State. (UNI’s a terrific FCS team, and Arizona’s legit. If Iowa State were just a little stronger …)

Now it gets bad.

8. Indiana: Eastern Kentucky, Western Michigan, at Akron, at Virginia. (Western Michigan is a good program. Playing on the road twice should count for something, though all it really means is Indiana is a Big Ten football program without much clout.)

9. Michigan: Western Michigan, Notre Dame, Eastern Michigan, Delaware State. (Four home games. Not a Top 25 team in the bunch. This isn’t the Michigan scheduling we’ve known for the last half-century. Bo Schembechler would never have scheduled Delaware State.)

10. Northwestern: Miami (Ohio), Towson, at Syracuse, Eastern Michigan. (Not a good opponent in the foursome. Only playing Syracuse on the road keeps the ‘Cats from being ranked below … )

11. Penn State: Akron, Syracuse, Temple, Eastern Illinois. (What, Slippery Rock, Swarthmore, Susquehanna, and Scranton/Dundler-Miffin weren’t available?)

Might As Well Face It, You’re Addicted to Palmer

No, not this one:

Arnold Palmer

 

No, not this one:

Carson Palmer

 

No, not this one, who stuck the line “Might as well face it, you’re addicted to love” in our heads for eternity:

Robert Palmer (and friends)

This is the Palmer that makes you swoon. This is the former piece of driftwood on the Iowa basketball bench who has scored 40 points in the Hawkeyes’ last two games and helped them to an ovetime win over Wisconsin Wednesday night.

This is the man who stayed on the team when a spectator is all he was. This is the man brought here by an assistant coach of Steve Alford’s when both fled Seton Hall. The assistant left in the wake of Alford’s exodus. The player, having already burned his redshirt year to come to Iowa, stayed behind.

This is the man who is No. 2 in your program, No. 1 in your hearts.

This is David Palmer, folk hero:

David Palmer. The Man.

Which “Lost” Will You Watch Tonight?

 

The season-premiere of  “Lost” is tonight (Wednesday) on ABC.

The Big Ten Network is offering counter-programming with the Wisconsin-Iowa men’s basketball game.

The Hawkeyes, who have lost their last three games, are no longer the NIT candidates they seemed to be a few weeks ago. Big Man (Cyrus) Tate is injured and not available for duty. Now, freshman sharpshooter Anthony Tucker is academically ineligible for the rest of the season.

If you’re expecting David Palmer to match the 19 points he scored at Purdue Sunday, you may be expecting too much.

These are trying times in Iowa City. After tonight’s game comes a trip to Penn State, a home game against conference-unbeaten Michigan State, and a game at Illinois on Super Bowl Sunday.

If the Hawks don’t win tonight, they could easily be facing a 7-game losing streak when they venture to woeful Indiana on Feb. 4.

“Lost,” indeed.

One of Worst Iowa Basketball Droughts in 60 Years

(Note to readers: I changed the title of this post because one of you good e-mailers politely let me know Iowa had a 3-game stretch that produced just 147 points in the 1983-84 season. It’s been corrected in the words that follow, too, and I appreciate the head’s up.)

Going into Wednesday night’s home game against Wisconsin, the Iowa men’s basketball team has three straight defeats.

There have been longer stretches of losing.

But as far as putting the ball in the basket, it has rare over the last 60 years when the Hawkeyes have endured a 3-game stretch like the one they’re enduring.

Iowa’s totals of 49, 49 and 53 in games against Minnesota, Michigan and Purdue add up to 151, an average of 50.3.

Topping 50 Sunday at Purdue prevented the Hawkeyes from their first three-game streak of being held under that mark. The last time that  happened was the 1948-49 season, when they had four consecutive games in the 40s.

No shot clock or 3-point line existed then, of course.

Iowa had back-to-back games in the 40s once last season, too, and seven overall.

This season, things looked better. The Hawkeyes actually topped 70 on four occasions. They didn’ t plummet under 50 until a 60-43 loss at Drake on Dec. 20. It was a harbinger of bad Big Ten things to come.

A 52-49 home loss to Minnesota. A 64-49 defeat at Michigan. And the most recent indignity, a 75-53 whipping at Purdue.

Now comes Wisconsin, which isn’t exactly a go-go outfit. Iowa scored 51 and 54 in losses to the Badgers last season.

There was a time when when the Hawkeyes were interesting on offense.

Maybe again some year. Maybe next year.

But not now.

I’m not trashing Todd Lickliter, not when he inherited a shell of a roster when he got to Iowa, and not when injuries have stopped this season’s team from maximizing its potential.

But when he doesn’t have the personnel to play his style of basketball, it’s hard to watch. And the way the Hawkeyes are playing right now is hard to watch.

The men’s basketball budgets of Northern Iowa and Drake are roughly half that of those at Iowa and Iowa State. So who has the two best teams in the state right now?

Northern Iowa, for sure, and probably Drake despite getting blasted by the Panthers the way it did last weekend.

Outback Bowl No Ratings Winner

The Outback Bowl was watched on television by a lot of people in Iowa and South Carolina and, uh, uh, uh …

Of the 34 bowl games, the Jan. 1 Outback Bowl ranked 17th in television viewers according to Nielsen, which knows a bit more about ratings than most of us.

The game had 4,093,000 viewers according to http://blog.nielsen.com/nielsenwire/media_entertainment/sports-wrap-college-football-bowls-over-audiences/. That’s a 10 percent drop from the year before when the Outback’s matchup was Tennessee-Wisconsin.

The TV audience for the Georgia-Michigan State Capital One Bowl, which started two hours after the Outback Bowl, was 10.8 million. But that was a 27 percent drop from its Michigan-Florida pairing of the year before.

These weren’t great matchups for American interests.

Some of the bowls that had more viewers than the Outback, though … hard to believe.

The Emerald Bowl was ninth of the 34 bowls. It was a game between unranked Miami and unranked California. The Wisconsin-Florida State Champs Sports Bowl had the seventh-largest audience, over 7 million viewers on the night of Dec. 27.

Go figure.

The Outback Bowl is a crummy time slot for TV (It begins at 8 a.m. on the West Coast), so you know you’ll never have a huge audience no matter the matchup. It’s a hangover game according to one West Coast friend of the Hlog’s, someone who may have some first-hand knowledge of such things.

So if you think just because you play in a Florida bowl you’ll get a lot of sweet national exposure for recruiting and merchandising, think again. If that bowl is the Outback, anyway.

Bret Bielema is the Hawkeyes’ Friend

Many an Iowa Hawkeye fan has cooler feelings about former Hawkeye player/assistant coach Bret Bielema since he became Wisconsin’s head coach.

It’s understandable. He’s trying to put his Big Ten team ahead of Iowa and the nine others. You can’t make an omelette without breaking a few eggs, if you know what I mean.

But of the 61 coaches voting in the USA Today coaches poll, no one had Iowa ranked higher this week than Bielema. He tabbed the Hawkeyes 20th. They were 27th in the poll, with not nearly as many votes as they got in the AP coaches poll, where they’re 26th.

Most coaches excluded the Hawkyes from their ballots, but not Iowa State’s Gene Chizik. He had Iowa 24th.

You might think coaches would try to keep their state rivals down, so give Chizik credit. Give him credit for loyalty, too. He was one of just four coaches to tab Texas No. 1. It so happens his previous job was defensive coordinator to Mack Brown at … Texas.

Big Ten coaches support their own. Bielema had Michigan State and Northwestern 17th and 18th, repsectively, above where they’re ranked on the AP poll.

Purdue’s Joe Tiller also had Iowa 20th. Michigan State’s Mark Dantonio, Indiana’s Bill Lynch, Illinois’ Ron Zook and Ohio State’s Jim Tressel placed Iowa 23rd. Mark Dantonio of Michigan State had the Hawks 25th.

Of the seven Big Ten coaches who have a vote, only Michigan’s Rich Rodriguez didn’t list Iowa. To check all the coaches’ votes, go here:

http://www.usatoday.com/sports/college/football/2008-12-08-final-coaches-ballots_N.htm

Know that coaches should not and should never have votes that matter in the BCS, but they do. They are totally biased creatures.

You can’t blame Texas Tech Coach Mike Leach for putting his club second, behind only Oklahoma. But what’s with Florida Coach Urban Meyer having four-loss Mississippi 12th?

And what’s with Leach and Baylor’s Art Briles having Texas at No. 5? Do they see weakness in the Longhorns we don’t, having played them? Or were they trying to keep Texas down a bit.

Did Leach think his last-second win over Texas entitle his 11-1 Red Raiders to be second and the Longhorns – who beat Oklahoma by 10 points in Dallas – to be just fifth?

I had Iowa 18th (not 17th as an earlier Hlog entry goofed things up) in this week’s AP poll. That leaves me wide-open to charges of being a homer. I happen to think the Hawkeyes are better right now than anyone currently ranked 19th or lower, though Mississippi finished very strongly.

But I’m not alone. Brett McMurphy of the Tampa Tribune voted Iowa 15th this week, John Heuser of the Ann Arbor News has the Hawks 16th, and Kirk Bohls of the Austin American Statesman concurs with the pick at 18th.

I threw Ball State out of my top 25 altogether after it got rubbed out by five-loss Buffalo Friday night in the MAC title game, but the voters kept the Fighting Cardinals in the rankings.

Anyway, the bowls will decide the final rankings. If Iowa beats South Carolina, it will be in the final polls and can hang its sombrero on that. If it loses, no votes, the end.

Is it the Outback, Jack?/My AP Top 25 ballot for Nov. 30

That’s my best guess, it’s a darn good guess, and I’m sticking to it until someone persuasively convinces me otherwise.

With Oregon State rolling over like dogs instead of Beavers in their game against Oregon Saturday night, that ought to put Ohio State in the BCS (sorry, Boise State), and lift up every other bowl-eligible Big Ten team.

You know what that means, Insight Bowl. You get Minnesota!!!

So, it’s Michigan State in the Capital One Bowl, right? As Lee Corso says, not so friends, my fast. Or something like that.

Are the 9-3 Spartans a slam-dunk for the Orlando event? Not necessarily. But if Georgia is the SEC team, ticket sales ought not to be a problem. It’s a relatively short trip from the Peach State to Theme Park Hell. Plus, Michigan State fans travel well, as they say, and it will be MSU’s first New Year’s bowl in eight years.

That leaves 8-4 Iowa or 9-3 Northwestern for the Outback Bowl, and I can’t see the Outbackers passing up on Iowa and all its box office/hotel room power.

The unfortunate part for the Hawkeyes is the opponent in the Outback won’t be a ranked team. It almost surely would be either 7-5 LSU or 7-5 South Carolina. Now you know how Texas felt two years ago when it got a 6-6 Iowa team to play in the Alamo Bowl.

Iowa isn’t ranked, but should be. As you’ll see in the list below, I have the Hawkeyes 20th. I think Iowa is the most underrated team in the nation. As a result, I’d like to see Iowa get a less-glamorous bowl if it meant a better opponent. Namely, the Alamo.

However, if Missouri gets clocked by Oklahoma in Saturday’s Big 12 title game to end the regular-season with a 9-4 record and 2-game losing streak, never mind. It would be funny to see Iowa and Missouri together in Texas, though. The over/under on fights ending with drunks shoved into the canal on the San Antonio Riverwalk would be 147.

But if Iowa can’t play, say, an Oklahoma State in San Antone, just go to the Outback and play some SEC non-entity. Then the Alamo Bowl can decide between 9-3 Northwestern and 7-5 Wisconsin, with the team left over going to the Champs Sports Bowl to play some ACC also-ran.

It will all be better than that Minnesota-Kansas Insight Bowl.

And now, my AP Top 25 ballot for this week:

1. Alabama

2. Oklahoma

3. Florida

4. Texas

5. Utah

6. Penn State

7. Southern California

8. Texas Tech

9. Ohio State

10. Boise State

11. TCU

12. Ball State

13. Oklahoma State

14. Cincinnati

15. Oregon

16. BYU

17. Missouri

18. Pittsburgh

19. Georgia Tech

20. Iowa

21. Michigan State

22. Mississippi

23. Georgia

24. Northwestern

25. Oregon State

The Hlist: President-elect Obama, Please Don’t Let Nick Saban Get Nuclear Capability

 

Opening kickoff

“If we can come out and beat O-State that would clear everything up.”— Michigan senior safety Brandon Harrison about the 3-8 Wolverines’ upcoming game at Ohio State.

Everybody has a dream.

First downs

1. Cool Cats: The Big Ten’s Coach of the Year will probably be Northwestern’s Pat Fitzgerald.

The Wildcats are 8-3, and will go to a very good bowl with a home win Saturday over decaying Illinois.

In rain, sleet and snow, Northwestern gutted out a 21-14 win at Michigan. That was its first win in Ann Arbor since 1995, when Fitzgerald was the Wildcats’ star linebacker.

“All of a sudden you come out in the second half and it’s snowing,” Fitzgerald said. “It’s a beautiful Big Ten football weather day.”

It wasn’t so lovely to Michigan fans. Most fled their stadium long before the game ended.

They didn’t want to see the Wolverines clinch their first eight-loss season in the program’s 129-year history.

Harrison, so optimistic in the “Opening Kickoff” comment, wasn’t as cheery about the game that had just ended.

“I’m sick to my stomach right now,” he said.

2. Empty Win: LSU’s Tiger Stadium also was emptied out in the fourth quarter of the Troy-LSU game. Those who stayed witnessed the biggest comeback in Tigers history.

LSU rallied from a 31-3 hole for a 40-31 triumph.

The Baton Rouge Advocate’s Randy Rosetta called it “a comeback that will survive as the stuff of legend for years to come in front of the sparse but hearty few thousand fans who stuck it out.”

LSU quarterback Jarrett Lee was booed and benched in the first half. For the seventh time this year, he had an interception returned for a touchdown. But he completed 11 fourth-quarter passes and last year’s national champs awakened in time to avoid an embarrassment.

“Not one time in our minds did we think we were going to lose this game,” Lee said.

Which is more than you could say for LSU’s fans.

3. Band Goes Digital: At halftime of the USC-Stanford game, the ever-irreverent Stanford band formed the number “24,” on the field, referring to the Cardinal’s point total in its shocking 24-23 win at USC.

The band formed the letters “OJ” for its opening number, “Crazy Little Thing Called Love.”

O.J. Simpson won the Heisman Trophy when he played at USC, you see. Forty years ago!

The Trojans won this time around, 45-23.

“There was a lot of talk about revenge coming into the game,” said Stanford Coach Jim Harbaugh. “That’s a word I don’t use in college football.”

“It was revenge,” said USC tailback C.J. Gable.

Stanford, for some odd reason, lined up for a field goal on the game’s last play. USC Coach Pete Carroll, for some odd reason, called a timeout. Stanford changed its mind, and Alex Loukas threw an 18-yard touchdown pass.

“Loukas wanted to go for the end zone,” Harbaugh said. “So I said, ‘Let’s go for the end zone.’ . . . I just wanted to get the last points.”

Carroll’s reaction to Harbaugh’s decision-making: “He can do whatever he wants. I don’t care.”

“If Harbaugh stays at Stanford a while rather than going off to the NFL,” wrote Mark Purdy of the San Jose Mercury News, “this could turn into quite the snarky annual kickoff appointment.”

Fumbles

1. Axed: A not-so-funny thing happened to Minnesota (7-4) on its way to a New Year’s bowl. It lost to Northwestern and Michigan at home, then fell 35-32 at Wisconsin Saturday after holding a 21-7 halftime lead.

The Paul Bunyan Axe remains in Madison.

“We’re going to lay on a sword for the next couple days,” Gophers Coach Tim Brewster said. “We’re going to bleed this one out hard. This will be tough to let go.”

Iowa hopes he’s right. The Hawkeyes will try to extend Minnesota’s misery Saturday night in the Metrodome.

Wisconsin, meanwhile, will try to get to 7-5 by beating Cal Poly Saturday in Madison.

“I really don’t know how the bowl system works,” Badgers center John Moffitt said. “I feel like there’s three guys in a room and they flip a quarter. I’m trying to go every game, one game at a time — just try to win out.”

The Hlist questions why it takes three guys to flip quarters, but not as much as it wonders why Wisconsin is playing Cal Poly in mid-November.

2. Coldcocked: Florida’s 56-6 win over South Carolina was Gamecocks Coach Steve Spurrier’s worst loss in his 309 games as a head coach in college and pro football.

“A loss is a loss, whether it’s by one point or 50 points,” Spurrier said. “Sometimes getting your butt beat real good is better than a one-pointer or two-pointer.”

Sunday, Spurrier sounded more like an apologist than the brash Ol’ Ball Coach who directed Florida to six SEC titles and the 1996 national championship.

“We’re not the first team they’ve ever scored 50 on lately and may not be the last team. But we are 7-4,” he said.

The Orlando Sentinel’s Mike Bianchi: “Seeing Spurrier coming back to The Swamp and getting clobbered was like watching an aging Sinatra returning to the Sands and forgetting the words to ‘My Way.’

“Urban Meyer came to Florida and wanted to be like Steve Spurrier.

“Now Steve Spurrier’s at South Carolina and wants to be like Urban Meyer.”

3. No, Prez, No!: We don’t need our presidents worrying about sports, unless Alabama Coach Nick Saban is close to nuclear capability. Even if he isn’t, he needs to be watched closely.

Anyway, Barack Obama really doesn’t need to pander to the masses by pushing for a college football playoff.

“I don’t know any serious fan of college football who has disagreed with me on this,” Obama said on “60 Minutes” Sunday. “So, I’m going to throw my weight around a little bit. I think it’s the right thing to do.”

“Certainly it’s an important issue for college football and colleges,” said Big Ten Commissioner Jim Delany. “Where does it stand in the list of challenges we have in America today? I would say it’s not very high.”

If only the Big Ten Network’s ghastly “Friday Night Tailgate” used that kind of common sense.

“I look forward to talking with (Obama) and explaining to him that it’s not in the best interest of the academic integrity of our institutions,” Ohio State Chancellor Gordon Gee said.

The Hlist thinks that would be useful.

Because in these challenging times, our new president will need all the laughs he can get.

Final gun

“If 35-7 against Kansas on the road isn’t good enough for someone, we’ll just go wherever they tell us to go.” — Texas Coach Mack Brown on a suggestion the Longhorns’ latest win might not have wowed pollsters.

Iowa’s Bowl Situation: The Definitive Word (Amended)

The headline to this post fibbed. There is no definitive word on Iowa’s bowl game situation.

But you got to see outlines of kangaroos. That’s something.

Does Iowa go to the Outback Bowl if it bounces MInnesota in the Metrodome next Saturday night? Not necessarily. And I’m not convinced the Capital One Bowl is even remotely possible. If Michigan State loses at Penn State (and it’s not much of an if), MSU finishes 9-3. How the Cap One takes the Spartans over an 8-4 Iowa that lost to MSU, I have no idea.

But these are bowls.

What’s more possible is that Iowa could finish 8-4 and slide out of the Outback because the BCS doesn’t take two Big Ten teams. But that’s highly unlikely, too.  If Penn State wins over MSU and Ohio State beats Michigan like a drum, the Penn State goes to the Rose Bowl and Ohio State probably goes to another BCS game. Unless, that is, Oregon State wins its remaining two games and takes the BCS’ automatic spot for the Pac-10, with USC also in the BCS as an at-large. Which probably drops Ohio State to the Cap One, and lowers every remaining Big Ten bowl team a notch.

Oregon State plays at Arizona, then concludes with a home game against Oregon. The Beavers are pretty good and really motivated, yet I’d only call it 50/50 that they win both. But let’s say they do. Would USC really be a lock for a BCS berth if it wins out against so-so Notre Dame in Los Angeles and bad UCLA in Pasadena? Uhhhh … yes. The Fiesta Bowl would hop all over the Trojans, and Ohio State would probably fall out of the BCS.

Unless Utah loses to BYU and Boise State loses to either Nevada or Fresno State, with the latter a distinct possibility. This stuff matters. Honestly.

Are you confused enough yet?

If Iowa is 8-4 and Ohio State does get a BCS nod, I’ll go with the conventional wisdom and say the Hawkeyes reach the Outback. And against a South Carolina team that just lost 56-6 to Florida Saturday. So that’s not altogether thrilling.

Now, let’s say Iowa loses to Minnesota. What then? Chaos, that’s all.

At 9-3 after it dumps Illinois Saturday in Evanston, Northwestern can’t be bumped by a 7-5 team. The Big Ten forbids it among its bowl partners. Assuming Ohio State is in the BCS, that would mean the Outback would then have to choose 9-3 Northwestern or 8-4 Minnesota. To a bowl game, that’s like choosing being eaten by a lion or being eaten by a bear. Neither brings fans.

Well, the being eaten by a lion or bear would be a great gate attraction, but not Northwestern or Minnesota against South Carolina in Tampa.

Next up would be the Alamo Bowl. The Big Ten rule is a non-BCS bowl partner can take a Big Ten team that’s one game worse than another league team, but not if that team is 6-6. Meaning, it can take a 7-5 team over an 8-4 team. If you’re the Alamo, you take a 7-5 Iowa or a 7-5 Wisconsin over an 8-4 Minnesota and you apologize to no one.

So which would it be? I’m guessing it’s Wisconsin since the Badgers have been to San Antonio just once, that in 2002, while the Hawkeyes have made four Alamo Bowl trips, including one just two years ago. For the legend of the traveling Iowa fans, Wisconsin people have been known to flood bowl destinations with red and white.

That gives the Champs Sports Bowl in Orlando a pick between Minnesota and Iowa. How does the Champs not take an 8-4 Minnesota team that finished its season with a win over 7-5 Iowa? These are bowl games, that’s how. But as a sportswriter hoping to have something to write about besides the vapid waste that is Disney World, I want Iowa to get the best game possible. That won’t happen in the Champs Sports with an ACC also-ran.

But just in case the Champs somehow took Minnesota over Iowa and its legion of merry traveling fans, that would kick Iowa down to the Insight Bowl in Phoenix against a Big 12 team, probably either Kansas or Nebraska. Oh, wouldn’t an Iowa-Nebraska game be precious. It would beat the bejesus out of playing any ACC team in the Champs.

Iowa can make most of this conjecture go away by winning at Minnesota. It will be easier said than done.

How unpredictable is this? Here are the current bowl projections of three Web sites of note:

ESPN.com: Iowa vs. Virginia Tech in the Champs Sports.

CBS Sportsline.com: Iowa vs. South Carolina in the Outback.

Collegefootballnews.com: Iowa vs. Nebraska in the Alamo.

And that, dear friends, is the definitive word on Iowa’s bowl situation. Next: how to fix America’s economy.

The Hlist: America’s Favorite College Football Collection of Quips, Quotes and Quackery

AP photo

Opening kickoff

“We’re all going to be dreaming it for the rest of our lives, but even if it ends right here you’ve got the happiest group of students and alumni and townsfolk in the whole wide world. If we don’t win another game again we can die happy.” — Texas Tech 1972 graduate Bill Windsor on the Red Raiders’ 39-33 win over Texas

First downs

1. High Tech: Who knew it could actually be fun to be in Lubbock, Texas?

If you didn’t find Texas Tech’s win thrilling Saturday night, you must be too numb from watching Big Ten football.

“Play 60 minutes. You may have a second to spare,” Texas Tech Coach Mike Leach said after the game.

Leach was right about that, and everything else so far this season. His unbeaten Red Raiders won the Game of the Year on the Play of the Year, Graham Harrell’s 28-yard touchdown pass to Michael Crabtree.

Crabtree went all-or-nothing on the play with time slipping away. Instead of slipping out of bounds after the catch to set up a chip-shot field goal, he tightrope-walked the sideline after shedding a tackle, then veered into the end zone with: 01 left.

“On the sideline, I dreamed that I would catch a pass and go in the end zone for a game-winning touchdown,” Crabtree said afterward. “But I do that every game.”

For those thinking the win was a fluke, Tech outgained the Longhorns 579 yards to 374, and only trailed for a minute and 28 seconds all night. Harrell vaulted into Heisman Trophy contention after completing 36 of 53 passes for 474 yards. Suddenly, Texas counterpart Colt McCoy isn’t a lock to win the Heisman.

“Colt’s a good quarterback. But I think the best quarterback lives in Lubbock,” said Tech defensive coordinator Ruffin McNeill.

Leach took the win, called the biggest in Tech’s history, more in stride more than anyone in Lubbock. His team hosts No. 8 Oklahoma State Saturday.

“Now the biggest game in history is Oklahoma State,” Leach said, “or the history of this year, anyway.”

2. Dawgs Pounded: Florida’s players were ordered to do 42 repetitions at each weight station during summer workouts, one for each point they allowed in their 42-30 loss to Georgia last year.

The Gators also did 188 sit-ups, push-ups and crunches each during those workouts, one for each yard Georgia back Knowshon Moreno rushed for in that game.

After Moreno scored Georgia’s first touchdown against Florida last year, 70 Bulldog players rushed to the end zone to stomp around. In his biography called “Urban’s Way,” Florida Coach Urban Meyer said “That wasn’t right. It was a bad deal. And it will forever be in the mind of Urban Meyer and in the mind of our football team. . . . So we’ll handle it. And it’s going to be a big deal.”

Meyer called timeouts with 44 and 30 seconds left in the game and his team ahead by 39 points.

The Hlist thinks Urban’s Way could use some Urban Refinement.

3. Kafka No Nightmare: Northwestern quarterback Mike Kafka set a Big Ten record for rushing yards by a quarterback with 217 in the Wildcats’ 24-17 win at Minnesota.

Kafka, playing because starter C.J. Bacher was out with an injury, also passed for 143 yards.

“That kid was good,” Minnesota defensive end Willie Van DeSteeg said. “It was like having two running backs out there.”

“And only the Northwestern eggheads could have a quarterback named Kafka, by the way,” wrote Tom Powers of the St. Paul Pioneer Press. “His wideouts were Dostoyevsky and Tolstoy.”

The Wildcats, 7-2, were playing to hang on for an overtime. But Brendan Smith returned an interception 48 yards for the winning score with 12 seconds left. The ball bounced off cornerback David Oredugba’s hands and into Smith’s.

“They always make fun of me for my bad hands,” Oredugba said, “so thank you, Lord, for giving me bad hands.”

Fumbles

1. Bo-loney: Nebraska Coach Bo Pelini was a little miffed after his team got crushed at Oklahoma, 62-28. The Sooners had a 28-0 lead six minutes into the game.

Pelini refused to make his players available to the media afterward. Which was kind of a rotten deal for the dozens of traveling reporters from Nebraska, where Cornhusker football is still bigger than life even though the Huskers are a humble 2-3 in the Big 12.

A city named Lincoln shouldn’t have a dictator as a prominent resident.

When asked to explain his decision to muffle his team, Pelini’s voice started rising.

“You know what,” he said, “I will make them not available the whole week, if that’s what you want me to do. Is that what you want me to do? I thought I made it clear where we stand on that.

“The players are not available for comment, OK? If you don’t like it, tough. Ask me the questions you’d ask the players.”

To which a good first question would have been, “How come your head coach didn’t put you in a position to compete tonight?”

2. Michigone: How bad is it for Michigan? Toledo shoved coach Tom Amstutz out of his job Monday even though the Rockets won at Michigan last month. In years past, Toledo would have given a coach a lifetime contract for beating the Wolverines.

Michigan secured its first losing season since 1967 with its 48-42 loss at Purdue. The 2-7 Wolverines won’t go to a bowl for the first time in 34 years.

“We’ve had great tradition and we still have great tradition,” said Michigan Coach Rich Rodriguez.

Well, at least he’s half-right.

3. Bottomed Out: Wisconsin was ranked ninth in the nation in September. Now it’s November, and the Badgers are 1-5 and alone in last place of the Big Ten.

The Badgers only trailed for seven seconds of their game at Michigan State. They were the wrong seven seconds, the last seven seconds. After their 25-24 loss, UW safety Chris Maragos said “Everything is kind of in disarray right now.”

“We are just trying to get to a bowl game,” Badger wide receiver David Gilreath said. “You don’t want the season to go down the drain.

“You want something good to come out of it. I guess a bowl would do that.”

Uh, David, what if the bowl is the Motor City?

Final gun

“I stayed up watching the game again until 2:30 (a.m.). I didn’t erase it and I’m going to watch it a couple of other times.” — Texas Tech Chancellor Kent Hance