Big Ten Football 2009: Cupcakes Galore

With the confirmation Wednesday that Illinois will close its season with a game at Cincinnati, all the Big Ten football schedules are set for 2009.

First off, while Illini fans sound irritated that their team will play Fresno State at home and Cincinnati on the road — both capable squads – after the Big Ten season is over, at least they’re real opponents.

Good for the Illini. It may mean another 5-7 season or, worse, a trip to the Motor City Bowl at 6-6. But it at least shows some willingness to play competition.

Either that, or Illinois Athletic Director Ron Guenther failed miserably at finding a patsy to squeeze into his schedule. I hope it’s that deal about wanting to play someone.

If only every Big Ten AD and coach had the same attitude. Hey, the Big Ten isn’t winning BCS titles anyhow and flops miserably every time it sends Ohio State to slaughter in the championship game. So why not make the regular-season more meaningful with actual ballgames?

Only 14 of the 44 nonconference games in ’09 are against BCS conference teams or Notre Dame. That’s ridiculous.

Are you the Big Ten or just the Ten? Actually, you’re the Eleven, but that horse has been beaten to death.

Only three league teams — Illinois, Iowa and Minnesota — are playing two BCS conference teams among their four non-league games. Wisconsin isn’t playing any.

Before noting the cupcakes, let’s give some kudos to the proud and the few who are at least playing interesting games.

Ohio State gets the return date on its home-and-home series with USC.

Purdue heads to Oregon after hosting the Ducks last fall.

Indiana filled out its schedule by taking a game at Virginia, thus becoming the only Big Ten team to play two of its nonconference games on the road.

Cal is playing at Minnesota and Arizona is at Iowa, so those are 2008 bowl teams from the Pac-10 coming into Big Ten lairs.

But by and large, Big Ten non-league slates are another big pile of bleccccch.

Nine games are against FCS (I-AA) opposition. Purdue and Ohio State are the only Big Ten teams not devouring FCS prey. A few are among the cream of the FCS crop, like Northern Iowa and Wofford. But …

Delaware State (5-6 last year) at Michigan?

Towson (3-9) at Northwestern?

Eastern Illinois (5-7) at Penn State?

Penn State is playing all four of its nonconference games at home, against Akron, Syracuse, Temple and mighty Eastern Illinois. That’s absurd. Are you a football power or not? If you are, act like one and schedule somebody.

Playing two Mid-American Conference teams, an FCS squad and Syracuse, the Least of the Big East, is great for wins. It won’t work too well in those BCS computers, though.

Ranking the non-league schedules by toughness is difficult, because most are lousy. But here goes:

1. Illinois: Vs. Missouri in St. Louis, Illinois State, Fresno State, at Cincinnati (The series with Mizzou is a good one, and Cincinnati is fresh off an Orange Bowl appearance.)

2. Minnesota: at Syracuse, Air Force, California, South Dakota State (Air Force and Cal went to bowls, Syracuse is on the road, and S.D. State is one of the better FCS teams a Big Ten team is playing.)

3.  Purdue: Toledo, at Oregon, Northern Illinois, Notre Dame. (Toledo was lousy in ’08, but the other three went to bowls and Oregon won 10 games.)

4. Wisconsin: Northern Illinois, Fresno State, Wofford, at Hawaii (The three FBS teams went to bowls, and Wofford won nine games and played South Carolina to a 10-point game.)

5. Ohio State: Navy, USC, vs. Toledo in Cleveland, New Mexico State (The USC game goes a long way here, obviously.)

6. Michigan State: Montana State, Central Michigan, at Notre Dame, Western Michigan. (Doesn’t look like much, but the three FBS teams went to bowls, the two MAC teams are in-state clubs that will be motivated, going to South Bend is no picnic, and Montana State was 7-5)

7. Iowa: Northern Iowa, at Iowa State, Arizona, Arkansas State. (UNI’s a terrific FCS team, and Arizona’s legit. If Iowa State were just a little stronger …)

Now it gets bad.

8. Indiana: Eastern Kentucky, Western Michigan, at Akron, at Virginia. (Western Michigan is a good program. Playing on the road twice should count for something, though all it really means is Indiana is a Big Ten football program without much clout.)

9. Michigan: Western Michigan, Notre Dame, Eastern Michigan, Delaware State. (Four home games. Not a Top 25 team in the bunch. This isn’t the Michigan scheduling we’ve known for the last half-century. Bo Schembechler would never have scheduled Delaware State.)

10. Northwestern: Miami (Ohio), Towson, at Syracuse, Eastern Michigan. (Not a good opponent in the foursome. Only playing Syracuse on the road keeps the ‘Cats from being ranked below … )

11. Penn State: Akron, Syracuse, Temple, Eastern Illinois. (What, Slippery Rock, Swarthmore, Susquehanna, and Scranton/Dundler-Miffin weren’t available?)

Missouri, Nebraska Grab Prime-Time Football Slot

As Iowa found out a few years ago when Missouri ditched a home-and-away football series with the Hawkeyes, Mizzou will do what it deems is best for Mizzou.

By the way, much as you Hawkeye fans surely enjoyed your team’s dominance of South Carolina in the Outback Bowl, a Missouri-Iowa Alamo Bowl would still have been a better and more-meaningful matchup.

Anyway, Missouri is going to host Big 12 rival Nebraska on a Thursday night this year. It’s the conference-opener for both. ESPN will air it, and it will be a big deal.

The HuskerExtra.com story: http://www.huskerextra.com/articles/2009/02/13/football/doc4994cecf95ae9266018125.txt?orss=1

As part of the bargain, apparently, the Tigers will also get their game at Nevada moved to a Friday night for ESPN packaging, and the Mizzou-Illinois annual tussle in St. Louis is also set for an ESPN slotting.

Nebraska won’t mind the national audience for its trip to Columbia, either.

It’s a progressive move by both programs. I’m not sure I’d want to have the Thursday night game, especially if it meant a road trip. But at the same time, you know it will attract a lot of television eyeballs who normally don’t see these two teams.

Is it the Outback, Jack?/My AP Top 25 ballot for Nov. 30

That’s my best guess, it’s a darn good guess, and I’m sticking to it until someone persuasively convinces me otherwise.

With Oregon State rolling over like dogs instead of Beavers in their game against Oregon Saturday night, that ought to put Ohio State in the BCS (sorry, Boise State), and lift up every other bowl-eligible Big Ten team.

You know what that means, Insight Bowl. You get Minnesota!!!

So, it’s Michigan State in the Capital One Bowl, right? As Lee Corso says, not so friends, my fast. Or something like that.

Are the 9-3 Spartans a slam-dunk for the Orlando event? Not necessarily. But if Georgia is the SEC team, ticket sales ought not to be a problem. It’s a relatively short trip from the Peach State to Theme Park Hell. Plus, Michigan State fans travel well, as they say, and it will be MSU’s first New Year’s bowl in eight years.

That leaves 8-4 Iowa or 9-3 Northwestern for the Outback Bowl, and I can’t see the Outbackers passing up on Iowa and all its box office/hotel room power.

The unfortunate part for the Hawkeyes is the opponent in the Outback won’t be a ranked team. It almost surely would be either 7-5 LSU or 7-5 South Carolina. Now you know how Texas felt two years ago when it got a 6-6 Iowa team to play in the Alamo Bowl.

Iowa isn’t ranked, but should be. As you’ll see in the list below, I have the Hawkeyes 20th. I think Iowa is the most underrated team in the nation. As a result, I’d like to see Iowa get a less-glamorous bowl if it meant a better opponent. Namely, the Alamo.

However, if Missouri gets clocked by Oklahoma in Saturday’s Big 12 title game to end the regular-season with a 9-4 record and 2-game losing streak, never mind. It would be funny to see Iowa and Missouri together in Texas, though. The over/under on fights ending with drunks shoved into the canal on the San Antonio Riverwalk would be 147.

But if Iowa can’t play, say, an Oklahoma State in San Antone, just go to the Outback and play some SEC non-entity. Then the Alamo Bowl can decide between 9-3 Northwestern and 7-5 Wisconsin, with the team left over going to the Champs Sports Bowl to play some ACC also-ran.

It will all be better than that Minnesota-Kansas Insight Bowl.

And now, my AP Top 25 ballot for this week:

1. Alabama

2. Oklahoma

3. Florida

4. Texas

5. Utah

6. Penn State

7. Southern California

8. Texas Tech

9. Ohio State

10. Boise State

11. TCU

12. Ball State

13. Oklahoma State

14. Cincinnati

15. Oregon

16. BYU

17. Missouri

18. Pittsburgh

19. Georgia Tech

20. Iowa

21. Michigan State

22. Mississippi

23. Georgia

24. Northwestern

25. Oregon State

The Hlist: USC is Merciful, Missouri is Miserable

Opening kickoff

“In Iowa, where Kirk Ferentz faces the prospect of losing his job precisely because his program has become a feeder team for the Iowa City Jail, things get worse than usual. Ferentz’s kid James, a freshman lineman, got pinched on underaged drinking (shock!) charges. The crime is of questionable import until you figure it might take Dad from the hot seat to the guillotine.” — Tom Ziller, Sportingnews.com

It seems an exaggeration.

First downs

1. Buckeye Nuts: These are a few excerpts from letters to the sports editor in Sunday’s Columbus Dispatch, written after Ohio State’s 16-3 win over Purdue and before OSU’s game at Michigan State on Saturday:

“With the exception of a few, this team needs to follow the yellow brick road and ask the wizard for a heart. While they are at it, the offensive line could ask for courage and the offensive coordinator could ask for a brain.” — Chris Sturgill, Worthington

“If (head coach Jim) Tressel keeps calling plays like he has recently, I’d make early reservations for the Outback Bowl, or wherever third-place Big Ten teams go.” — David Scott, Columbus

“Beanie Wells is capable of 200 yards per game, but the O-line seems to refuse to play with emotion for an entire game. … A promising season is likely to slip away without major improvement.” — Tom Scurlock, Washington

Wells ran 31 times for 140 yards in the Buckeyes’ 45-7 win at Michigan State on Saturday. OSU is OK.

2. One Week, Two Burials: A week ago today, Texas Coach Mack Brown approved a suggestion to bury the game ball from the previous Saturday’s 45-35 win over Oklahoma on the Longhorns’ practice field. Several Horns players then drank a Kool-Aid-like concoction to make them “forget” the big win over the Sooners and focus on the coming week’s game, against Missouri.

Score one for superstitions. No. 1 Texas buried Mizzou, 56-31.

Longhorns quarterback Colt McCoy completed 29 of 32 passes for 337 yards. He passed for two touchdowns, ran for two others. He has completed 81 percent of his passes this season, a pace that would easily break the NCAA’s record of 73 percent.

“We need to continue for him to be who he is,” Brown said. “I don’t know if we need him to be any better.”

3. Abnormally Normal: In a season-full of upsets, no Top Ten teams got dumped Saturday.

Not that Southern California feared the reaper. Associated Press reported that two hours before kickoff USC players “menacingly rocked their buses, as if they couldn’t wait to get on the field.”

“Our guys had a ball playing football today, from the locker room on out,” USC Coach Pete Carroll said after his team’s 69-0 laugher over Washington State.

It’s fun being good. USC has won its last three games by a total of 141-10 since an upset loss at Oregon State. The Trojans have scored 117 unanswered points.

USC is ranked fifth in the BCS standings. Carroll’s response: “It doesn’t mean anything about anything.”

(Don Hawkins)

4. Son Sits in Mountains: Colorado’s Dan Hawkins is a father and a coach, but not necessarily in that order during games.

Hawkins pulled starting quarterback Cody Hawkins, his son, after two series of the Buffaloes’ game against Kansas State. In came true freshman Tyler Hansen. With his red-shirt removed, Hansen passed for 71 yards and a touchdown and rushed 19 times for 86 yards. Colorado won, 14-13.

“You have to do what you have to do,” Coach Hawkins said of the move.

Fumbles

1. Lanced in East Lansing: “What’s the one thing you did well today?” MSU defensive coordinator Pat Narduzzi was asked after the Spartans’ 45-7 loss to Ohio State.

“I thought we did a good job in warm-ups,” he said.

Michigan State running back Javon Ringer was held to a season-low 67 rushing yards.

“We’ve been trying to prove to people we’re not the same team, where we lose one and fall apart,” Ringer said. “This game, I’m telling you, is not gonna be that hard to get over. Next week is Michigan, and that’s the game we really look forward to. That game’s in a whole different category.”

Yeah, it’s a game against a team the Spartans can beat.

2. Missouri Breaks: After Texas crushed Missouri, Texas defensive end Brian Orakpo was asked what he thought of Missouri’s body language.

“Body language?” Orakpo replied. “I don’t know. I just play football. I ain’t no doctor.”

Ranked No. 3 two weeks ago, the Tigers could use a healer after consecutive losses to Oklahoma State and Texas.

“There’s no excuses,” said Missouri Coach Gary Pinkel. “They outplayed us, out-blocked us, kicked us, running, passing, coaching, everything.”

At least Pinkel has the Tigers’ weaknesses pinpointed.

3. Shooting Blanks: Washington State’s run of 280 consecutive games without being shut out was snapped in their 69-0 debacle of a loss to USC. The Cougars mustered just 116 total yards and four first downs.

“I think our team — a lot of guys are used to losing,” griped WSU defensive end Andy Mattingly.

It seems likely. Wazzu had Pac-10 defeats of 66-3, 63-14 and 66-13 before this game.

USC could have made it 90-0 had it desired. The Trojans played four quarterbacks. They let the last 16 seconds of the first half run out with the ball at the WSU 10 and timeouts left to use.

The Hlist thinks USC wanted to leave the Cougars with enough of a program so it can play at USC next year.

4. Lou’s Loose Lips: Even when you can understand Lou Holtz, he doesn’t always make sense.

ESPN analyst Holtz apologized on the air Saturday for mentioning Adolf Hitler in a discussion of the leadership skills of Michigan Coach Rich Rodriguez during an ESPN studio show the night before.

“Ya know,” Holtz said Friday, “Hitler was a great leader, too.”

Wow. On top of that, Holtz predicted the winners of five of Saturday’s key games around the country, which he and broadcast partner Mark May do each week. He was wrong on all five.

Final gun

“This is an embarrassing situation, and I’m hoping this is the lowest point in our season.

“We have a very fragile football team; there’s not much confidence in the locker room right now. It’s not a pretty thing.”

San Diego State Coach Chuck Long after his Aztecs’ 70-7 loss at New Mexico.

Hlist: Everything That Happened Last Week in College Football and So Much More

(Milwaukee Journal Sentinel)

Opening kickoff

“Northwestern is not ready for this, not yet. It was 5-0 and ranked Nos. 22 and 23 in two of the three major polls. But it had beaten up on nobodies and one sort-of, Iowa.” — Greg Couch of the Chicago Sun-Times, on the Wildcats’ 37-20 loss to Michigan State

First downs

1. Schooling His Old School: Minnesota Coach Tim Brewster was the captain of Illinois’ 1983 Rose Bowl team. In his first game at Illinois’ Memorial Stadium, his 12-point underdog Gophers shocked the Fighting Illini, 27-20.

“It’s hard. I have mixed emotions,” Brewster said. “I care about my alma mater. But I also have tremendous feelings for this Minnesota team. We came here on a mission to win. We have a philosophy: ‘Why not us? Why not now?’”

The 6-1 Gophers were 1-11 last year, Brewster’s debut season as their coach.

“We’re already bowl-eligible. This is very exciting for me, very exciting for the seniors,” said Minnesota linebacker Steve Davis. “We just want to keep pushing and get to that Rose Bowl.”

Uh, Minnesota did allow 550 yards to the Illini, 462 of those passing. Don’t make Pasadena plans just yet, Gopher fans.

2. JoePa’s Got Jump: Every Wisconsin home game, UW students spend the time between the third and fourth quarters jumping to House of Pain’s “Jump Around.”

Penn State linebacker Nate Stupar jumped to the music Saturday, too. Nittany Lions defensive tackle Jared Odrick broke into a dance.

You’d dance, too, if you’d beaten the Badgers 48-7 in their Camp Randall Stadium. It’s normally a house of pain for visitors.

Are the 7-0 Nittany Lions in the national title picture?

“We certainly deserve to be considered,” said their coach, Joe Paterno.
3. Imperfect Storm: Oklahoma and Missouri supposedly were on a collision course to meet in the Big 12 title game, maybe both with 12-0 records. Then they faced Texas and Oklahoma State, respectively.

Texas quarterback Colt McCoy hadn’t liked the way he played the week before at Colorado. He told Longhorns Coach Mack Brown, “I didn’t play very well tonight, but next week is my week.”

McCoy was a prophet. He completed 28 of 35 passes and expertly steered the Horns to a 45-35 win over the No. 1 Sooners. Now Texas is No. 1.

Oklahoma State Coach Mike Gundy’s players are 20 (and 21 and 22). They are men. They won at No. 3 Missouri, 28-23.

The $165 million that oil tycoon T. Boone Pickens donated to Oklahoma State in 2006 to transform the school’s football stadium and training areas is bearing fruit.

“Boone, he was there (in the OSU locker room after the Missouri win) and he was excited,” Gundy said. “He hadn’t had a lot to be excited about lately.”

Pickens filed suit last week against Lehman Brothers, claiming the investment bank owes him and four of his energy funds $59.9 million.

As the Hlist always says, $59.9 million here and $59.9 million there, pretty soon it adds up to some real money.

4. FIU is AOK: The Hlist and others in Iowa had their fun with Florida International in early September. FIU did nothing to help its football reputation by losing 42-0 to the Hawkeyes.

Look who’s won three in a row, the latest a 33-21 handling of Middle Tennessee State.

True freshman T.Y. Hilton caught a 63-yard touchdown pass against MTSU. Hilton is nicknamed ”T.Y. Goodbye” by FIU fans. The well-known AOL signoff “Goodbye” was played on the stadium speakers after he scored.

Twice, when Middle Tennessee punted out of bounds to avoid him, Hilton turned to the FIU student section and turned his thumbs down. That got the students booing the MTSU punter.

Who knew FIU football was so fun?

Fumbles

1. Badgered Bret: “When you get into the coaching profession you know there are going to be good days and bad days,” Wisconsin Coach Bret Bielema said. “Today …”

That was said Saturday night in Madison after a 48-7 loss to Penn State, Wisconsin’s third straight loss and its worst since a 51-3 pounding from Miami 19 years ago.

Bielema, a former Iowa player and assistant coach, began this year with a 21-5 mark, 12-4 in the Big Ten. Things have gotten harder.

This was a preseason Big Ten title contender? Now it’s a dazed and confused outfit that is coming to Iowa on Saturday.

“I would have put a house up saying we’ll never start 0-3, even with the three games we had,” junior linebacker Jaevery McFadden said.

That’s why the NCAA doesn’t let its players gamble.

2. Wasted Juice: Illinois Coach Ron Zook feared his team would have a letdown after its 45-20 win at Michigan the week before. It did. Now 3-3 Illinois has as many losses as it did all last season.

“Just because you go to Michigan and win a game there, that doesn’t mean (anything),” he said. “Everybody in this league is out to get you.”

Illini quarterback Juice Williams set a Memorial Stadium record with 503 total yards. Illinois entered Gopher territory 10 times, for an average of two points per visit.

Note to the Illini: You don’t get many Juice Williamses. You may want to stop wasting the one you have.

(AP photo)

3. Michigan’s a Mess: Michigan lost 13-10 to Toledo, a team that had been 1-4 and got clobbered at home by Florida International. Which is in worse shape in the Detroit-Ann Arbor area, Ford Motor Company or Wolverines football?

Drew Sharp of the Detroit Free Press: “The Big House has become a big joke. There is no safe sanctuary for what’s quickly crystallizing into the worst Wolverines season in more than 40 years.

“The Rockets’ 13-10 stunner drove another stake through the guts and pride of a Michigan program that must wonder this worrisome morning if there’s actually another win somewhere on its schedule.”

4. Picks, Not Kicks: Florida linebacker Brandon Spikes picked off two passes in the Gators’ 51-21 pasting of LSU. He returned his second interception 52 yards for a touchdown, then weakly punted the ball into the end zone stands.

“Just the passion for the game kinda took over,” Spikes said. “(Punter Chas Henry) said ‘You kinda shanked that thing.’”

Florida Coach Urban Meyer on Spikes’ 15-yard unsportsmanlike penalty:

“I’m going to kill him. But that’s all right.”

Final gun

“Texas is better than OU.

“Go ahead. Read it to yourself. Read it aloud. Scream it if you want. Tell the neighbors. Text someone. Write your congressman.

“It’s true. Texas has a better football team than Oklahoma. Savor it, Longhorn fans. Feel it, take it in, believe it.” — Kirk Bohls, Austin American-Statesman.

Kirk seemed a bit giddy.

The Hlist: Everything That Happened Last Saturday in College Football and More

OPENING KICKOFF

“I’ve taken more pills in the last two months than I’ve taken all my life. … I’m not letting anybody get near me with a knife.” — Penn State Coach Joe Paterno, who watched his team’s win at Purdue from the press box because of pain in his hip and leg.

FIRST DOWNS

1. Double Decker: You Iowa fans in the crowd are keenly aware Michigan State linebacker Adam Decker kind of messed up the Hawkeyes’ final offensive play in MSU’s 16-13 win.

Decker stuffed Shonn Greene for a 3-yard loss on Fourth-and-a-foot. He called it the most exhilarating play of his life. His teammates seemed to agree with the way they pounded on Decker’s helmet.

“I had to tell them to stop,” he said. “No, it felt good.”

Minnesota wide receiver Eric Decker had a big day of his own. He had 13 receptions for 190 yards in the Gophers’ 16-7 win over Indiana.

Wrote Rachel Blount in the Minneapolis Star-Tribune: “The Gophers would commit a turnover, or allow (Adam) Weber to be sacked, or fail to give their running backs any room to operate.

“Those stumbles ignited groans that echoed off the wide swaths of empty seats. Then Decker’s sure hands would keep a drive going and defuse the frustration while he tied the school record for most catches in a game.”

2. Flying Tigers: Missouri 52, Nebraska 17.

“That’s what they get for scheduling us for homecoming,” said Tigers tailback Derrick Washington, who rushed for 139 yards in just 14 carries and scored three touchdowns in Lincoln.

“That’s kind of like we’re a bad team or something.”

Missouri has been the Cornhuskers’ foot wipe for decades. The 52 points were the most a Mizzou team ever scored against the Huskers. It was the Tigers’ first win at Nebraska since 1978.

“That wasn’t just about the 2008 football team,” Pinkel said. “It’s about 30 years of fans from around the world and a lot of former Missouri players.”

The Kansas City Star’s Jason Whitlock sees No. 3 Mizzou as something other than bad. His words:

“Gary Pinkel has constructed arguably the nation’s most lethal offense.

“There’s just no way to stop Chase Daniel, Jeremy Maclin, Chase Coffman and Derrick Washington. I’m not sure you can slow them. We know Nebraska can’t.”

3. Geeked Up: Before Vanderbilt played Auburn in Nashville, a sign in the Vanderbilt student section proclaimed “Geeks Rule the Turf!” The geeks were omniscient.

Vanderbilt is the smallest and sole private school in the Southeastern Conference. Its 14-13 upset over Auburn was its first triumph over the Tigers since 1955. The Commodores are 5-0 for the first time since 1943.

“This is what coaches live for,” Vanderbilt Coach Bobby Johnson said after the game. “I live to walk into the locker room and see how happy our players are.”

Joe Biddle of The Tennessean: “I didn’t check with Nashville International Airport air traffic control to get official confirmation, but I did see a significant number of pigs flying around Vanderbilt Stadium on Saturday night.”

4. Oklahoma is OK: Oklahoma has three FBS football programs.

Tulsa: 5-0, first in the nation in scoring with 56.4 points per game.

Oklahoma State: 5-0, third in the nation in scoring with 52.6 points per game.

Oklahoma: 5-0, fourth in the nation in scoring with 49.6 points per game.

All three average at least 530 yards.

Tulsa is 5-0 for the first time since 1945. Slick Shelley returned a punt for a TD in the Hurricanes’ 63-28 dismantling of Rice on Saturday. The Hlist tells you that for one reason: To get the name “Slick Shelley” in print.

FUMBLES

1. League of Lethargy: Which is rarer these days in Big Ten football, razzle or dazzle?

The five Big Ten games played Saturday had an average of 36 points. In stark contrast, an average of 71 points were scored in the six Big 12 games.

It wasn’t Michigan’s fault Big Ten end zones were so seldom visited. The Wolverines got trampled by cool Juice Williams’ Illinois team in their 45-20 defeat.

“This is ridiculous right now,” Michigan Coach Rich Rodriguez rued.

“I’m mad. I’m sorry. What do you want from me? I don’t like losing. I don’t want to accept it. I don’t want anybody in this program accepting it.”

Illinois Coach Ron Zook: “I would say it’s a big, big win for us, but we have to keep it in perspective and understand that every win is a big one,” Zook said. “Michigan had a big win last weekend and understand that in the Big Ten it’s one game at a time.”

The Hlist eagerly awaits Tina Fey’s impersonation of Zook on the next Saturday Night Live.

2. A Basketball State: The state of Indiana, fortunately, still has hoops.

Indiana, Iowa’s next opponent, didn’t get its first first-down at Minnesota until 2:29 remained in the first half. That was Minnesota’s defense, not Ohio State’s.

Purdue’s Curtis Painter, who has started 37 straight games for the Boilermakers at quarterback, was yanked from the game in the fourth quarter of his team’s 20-6 loss to Penn State.

Boilermakers Coach Joe Tiller said Painter’s lone interception was the last straw.

“It was a horrible throw, a horrible decision,” Tiller said. “There’s no way to sugarcoat it. It was really, really ugly.”

But hey, Indiana can also claim Ball State, 6-0 and in the AP Top 25 for the first time ever.

3. Tapout: Ultimate Fighting Championship star Chuck Liddell was on the sideline at the Missouri-Nebraska game, wearing a red Cornhuskers jersey.

Liddell co-owns two bars in Lincoln. They undoubtedly got business Saturday night from Big Red fans trying to drink to forget their 52-17 walloping.

“I’m sick to my stomach after this game,” sober NU quarterback Joe Ganz said. “I don’t want to feel like this again. We better get this ship righted. Otherwise it’s going to be another long season.”

Nebraska defensive end Pierre Allen sounded tipsy based on this comment he made after the game:

“We got great talent and great depth. It’s all about executing. We can compete with anybody in the country.”

Well, anybody but Missouri.

FINAL GUN

“How’s O.J. going to find the real killer now?” — radio show host Jim Rome.