The Hlist: Week 2

Compiled from published sources nationwide and the only three people who find Jerry Seinfeld’s Microsoft commercials with Bill Gates funny.

OPENING KICKOFF

“That was pathetic. It was a pathetic performance. OU should’ve won the game. I don’t know how we came out with it.” — Ohio State wide receiver Brian Hartline after the Buckeyes rallied for a 26-14 win over Ohio, a 33-point underdog.

FIRST DOWNS

1. Big Ten Rolls an 11: The Big Ten went 11-0 Saturday. However, the league met just two teams from BCS conferences, and those were Oregon State and Duke. Also among the vanquished were Eastern Illinois, Northern Colorado and Murray State. And Florida International.

Ohio State struggled with Ohio and Michigan did likewise with Miami (Ohio).

But Minnesota deserves some propers for winning 42-17 at Bowling Green, which won at Pittsburgh the previous week.

“I said we’ve taken the steps necessary to be an improved football team. I think it’s pretty evident that we are,” said Gophers Coach Tim Brewster.

Minnesota was 1-11 last year, so it’s not like the 2-0 Gophers had to take a major leap to be better.

2. Big 12 Rolls a 12: The Big 12 swept its dozen games Saturday for the first time in league history.

Just one of the teams conquered, however, was a BCS conference member. That was Cincinnati, which got doubled over at Oklahoma, 52-26.

Among the other victims: Northwestern State, Southeast Missouri State and Montana State.

Colorado had to come from behind for its 31-24 victory over Eastern Washington.

“I don’t like to talk bad about teams,” said Eastern Washington defensive back Ryan Kelly, “but (the Buffaloes) aren’t going to get that far in the Big 12. They aren’t playing like a Big 12 team. They’re playing like a Big Sky team.”

3. Flavor of the Week: That would be East Carolina, which has the most impressive two-week track record in the nation with wins over Virginia Tech and West Virginia.

“It is so much fun to stand on the sidelines and watch our defense play as good as it is,” said ECU Coach Skip Holtz, the son of Lou Holtz.

The Hlist would rather stand on the sidelines and watch Skip’s team than sit at home and listen to Lou babble on ESPN. The Hlist would rather watch Florida International play Maine than listen to Lou babble on ESPN.

4. Beware, Hawkeyes: What in the name of cream puffs and cupcakes was Iowa thinking when it scheduled a home game against Arkansas State for next season?

The Red Wolves of Jonesboro aren’t Maine or Florida International. They (gasp!) have a true major-college football program. They opened the season with an 18-14 win at Texas A&M, then came home and struck down Texas Southern, 83-10. It was the most points by an FBS program in three years, and it was ASU’s biggest win since a 101-0 savaging of Arkansas State Teacher’s College in 1917.

The Red Wolves’ Corey Leonard finished 9-for-10 passing for 229 yards and four touchdowns. He wanted a pass interference call on his only incompletion.

“It was a tough thing, but 9-for-10 with four touchdowns isn’t a bad night’s work,” Leonard said. “That was pretty good.”

FUMBLES

1. Rule of Dumb: The Play of the Week was Washington quarterback Jake Locker throwing the ball into the air to celebrate a potential tying touchdown run against BYU.

Locker received an unsportsmanlike conduct penalty, so the subsequent extra-point kick was from 35 yards instead of 20. It got blocked, and the Huskies lost, 28-27.

His flip of the ball wasn’t taunting. It was barely even a flip.

“I guess I’m sorry for celebrating the game of football,” Locker said.

“It wasn’t premeditated. But, in hindsight, it was something I shouldn’t have done. I’ve never done it in the past.”

The officials said they had no choice but to call it. There’s nothing in the NCAA rule book about letting common sense override a technicality.

Steve Kelley in the Seattle Times: “Games are meant to be played with joy. And there never, ever should be anything wrong with doing what Jake Locker did in the final seconds of one memorable Saturday afternoon.”

2. Worst of the West: It was a bad day all around in Washington. California gave Washington State a 66-3 thrashing at Wazzu, the worst defeat the Cougars have endured since they began playing football in 1894.

“They were a lot bigger, a lot stronger and a lot faster,” said WSU Coach Paul Wulff.

And better. A lot better.

USC plays at Washington State on Oct. 18. Try not to look.

3. Mismatch Mania: FBS (I-A) teams won 21 of 22 games against FCS (I-AA) teams Saturday for a two-week total of 52 of 54.

Despite being without a dozen key players who are suspended until Sept. 27 for their roles in an academic cheating scandal last year, Florida State slipped past Western Carolina, 69-0. Had FSU not missed a 43-yard field goal in the second quarter, the game would have been a rout.

Kansas State squeaked past Montana State, 69-10.

“It didn’t feel easy to me,” K-State Coach Ron Prince said. Uh huh.

TCU edged Stephen F. Austin, 67-7.

“I don’t mean this to sound badly,” TCU Coach Gary Patterson said, “but that’s what you want to do when you play a I-AA team.”

4. Unarmed Army: The one FBS team to lose to an FCS club was Army, on the wrong side of a 28-10 score against New Hampshire.

“I’m embarrassed,” Army Coach Stan Brock said. “I’m ashamed — not that we lost to the University of New Hampshire, because they are a good football team, but by the way we did it.

“I apologize to the United States Military, Corps of Cadets, anybody really who watched that game. That’s not the way that these kids need to play this game.”

“I didn’t see anyone quit,” said Army defensive back Lowell Garthwaite. “We’re not quitters. We’re Army football players — we don’t quit.”

FINAL GUN

“Michigan will play Notre Dame next. Maybe the Irish can look a little stronger against a weak opponent like that.” — Mike Downey of the Chicago Tribune after Notre Dame’s 21-13 win over San Diego State.

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